Have you caught yourself feeling capable and functioning on the outside, and at the same time feeling wired or numb inside? Have you experienced a week where you can’t stop doing things, followed by a week where you simply can’t get started? If this sounds like you, the window of tolerance can be a model to help understand your experience.

So what is it?

The window of tolerance is a model developed by Dan Siegel that describes the space where feeling, thinking and responding happen without becoming overwhelmed or shutting down.

I like to picture this as three spaces: green in the middle, red on top and blue at the bottom. The green space is where you are able to feel the feels, think clearly and stay connected with others. In the body, this might be steadier breathing, softer shoulders and a sense of being more present. The red space describes a state of high arousal; this could look like anxiety, racing thoughts, irritability, overthinking, feeling on edge. In the body, it might be a tight chest, shallow breathing, a clenched jaw or restlessness. At the bottom, we have the blue space where everything feels flatter, numb, foggy, exhausted and withdrawn. In the body, it might be heaviness, low energy or feeling slowed down.

While we would all love to be in the green area, the reality is that most of us move between the spaces during the day. What this looks like can be different for each person. For some, it’s weeks in red (busy, productive, driven) until it moves into a crash. This can be easy to miss in high-functioning people, because red looks like productivity from the outside, so it often goes unnoticed until the moment of the crash.

For example: you push through a demanding month on little sleep, replying to messages at 11pm (red). Then the pressure drops and you spend the weekend on the sofa, unable to reply to anyone or start anything (blue).

Sometimes our daily or past experiences can make the green space narrower, so we drift more towards red and blue. Common factors include:

 

• • Chronic stress and burnout, poor sleep, overwork, lack of rest

• • Difficult early experiences or trauma

• • Life transitions, loneliness, caring responsibilities

• • Neurodivergence can affect sensory and emotional load

This list is not exhaustive, and something that affects one person might not affect another.

How does this model help?

Becoming more aware of our experiences can help us understand them better and may show us things we hadn’t noticed (blind spots). Understanding what each space looks like for you can be a starting point. Noticing which space you are in and naming it gives more clarity to the experience. From there, some people find small regulating actions enough to shift: slower breathing, a walk, grounding through senses, a glass of cold water. For others, it means moving from “coping better” to reducing the load where that is possible. Some find that time with people or spaces where they feel safe moves them towards green, and for others it could be a more consistent approach to sleep, food and movement. Therapy can be another option; a space to explore your patterns and triggers and to build tolerance for your feelings gradually.

It’s important to keep in mind that the goal is not to be calm permanently, but to build flexibility, a wider window over time and the ability to move back into it with less effort.

Which space do you spend most of your week in?

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*This blog is for education only. It is not therapy, and it might not apply to you. If you are in immediate danger, please seek urgent care or contact a crisis service.
**Proofread with a little help from AI. The thoughts, feelings, and the questionable sense of humour are entirely my own.
***I’m glad you are here, and I hope you find something useful!