When people hear “low self-esteem,” they often imagine someone who is very visibly struggling; someone very shy, quiet, occasionally withdrawn, or uncertain about everything. However reality can sometimes be different – low self-esteem can be expressed in different ways, and some of them can be surprisingly high-functioning.
Some people might describe this as a vague or more precise sense of “not being enough,” and this might also be in cases that they appear confident, capable, sociable and put-together. Others might say that they feel flat, disconnected, or often pressured to do more, even in occasions where perfection is not required.
Here are some of the less obvious, but everyday signs of how low self-esteem can be present in someone’s life.
1. Being the “high achiever” who can’t and won’t slow down
You might deliver excellent work, meet every single deadline, and always go the extra mile or two but this might come from a place of fear rather than actual satisfaction.
Instead of feeling proud, you might feel some relief, till the next task that needs to be done. The thought that quietly emerges is something along the lines of “If I slow down, I’ll will never be able to catch up. If I fall behind, people will be able to see that I’m actually not good enough.”
2. “I’m fine”
Your usual response is I am okay because the alternative can be too vulnerable, too messy, or simply quite exhausting to put into words.
Problems can be minimised, there might be worries about being the “dramatic one” or a thought that you should be able to handle everything alone.
Low self-esteem can also sound like:
“Other people have worse problems than me.”
“I shouldn’t bother anyone.”
In the meantime, you’re carrying more than anyone could realise.
3. Overthinking every move
Thoughts can look like:
“Did I say the right thing?”
“Was that email too direct?”
“Should I have phrased that message in a different way?”
“Did I come across as a rude person?“
This way, low self- esteem turns everyday simple interactions into an overthinking loop.
4. Finding hard accepting compliments (or ignoring them entirely)
A simple “You did great” can create feelings of discomfort. Or can cause a response that sounds like:
“Oh, it wasn’t much effort on my side.”
“It was my lucky day”
“I could’ve done this and that in a better way.”
This looks like modesty but it can also be disbelief that something positive about you could be true.
5. Procrastination (not out of laziness, but out of fear)
When the expectations are extremely high, starting a simple task can feel sometimes overwhelming. Procrastination can be the easy way out of the possibility of not doing something perfectly. And this can affect our everyday to-do list in the professional but also personal life.
6. Staying in situations that might not feel good any more (because you’re unsure you deserve better)
This could be the case with a job that drains you, friendships that you are giving more than what you get, responsibilities that you couldn’t simply refuse or relationships that make you feel small. Suddenly the “bare minimum” is the best you can hope for.
7. Feeling guilty for resting
If taking a break feels wrong, not deserved, indulgent or not needed, it could be a sign your internal self-worth is tied to productivity. Rest slowly becomes something to justify rather than a basic human need.
And now you might wonder why these signs matter?
Low self-esteem doesn’t come with a big announcement, but it seeps through decisions, boundaries, relationships and most importantly the way we speak to ourselves. And that’s the bad news.
The good news? This is a learned behaviour, which can be unlearned.
Low self-esteem can insert itself into our everyday life in ways so subtle that it becomes part of the background. Naming it is not about fixing yourself but it’s more about becoming a bit more aware of your narrative. Once you see yourself more clearly, you can begin to make choices that might feel more aligned with who you really are, rather than the learned version of yourself.
**Proofread with a little help from AI. The thoughts, feelings, and the questionable sense of humour are entirely my own.
Language of Self 